Crazy

I think I'm going crazy being here at home. It's been one and a half years since I graduated from school and I'm STILL not sure of wtf I'm doing. I don't have the grades nor the scores to get into medicine and yet I'm still trying to go for it. Yes. I've been getting straight As at UCB extension but really, how far is that going to go along. Honestly, I don't know if I can really take being here at home because it's seriously affecting my mood and mentality. I can feel depression coming through.

Back in the day, I used to write blogs every now and then to kind of rant off to get things off my mind. I've noticed that I haven't really done this in a while so perhaps I should just start writing more to kind of unravel.

So right now, here's what I know:

I am sick and tired of being here and my sister is going to move into this room very soon and I want out.
Justin is feeling the same and wants to get an apartment but at this current state, I don't have the finances to truly cover for it. At my current job, I'm earning $1400 per month after taxes, which is of course dependent on whether I work at least 30 hours a week.
My expenses are as follows:
Bus pass: $60
Internet: $25
Health Insurance: $20
Phone $50
Coachella: $100
Total: $255 in necessary expenses.
$200 per month is allocated to online savings

Food seems to be the largest expense.
I should really only spend at most, $40 per week. This amounts to $160 per month

This leaves me off to expenditures being $615 and my leftover should be $825.

These past few months I've been evening out in my expenditures and I think one of the biggest parts of that is the fact that I spend a lot of money on food..and concerts/travel. I should really stop spending so much money on stupid shit.


Anyways, I have three choices to make:
1) Continue on with going for DO and prepare to take the MCAT. The idea of taking the MCAT again really daunts me and makes me nervous because I would REALLY have to do well. That being said, it would make the most sense to stay here and study though I don't really want to.
2) Find another job and move out. I've been applying for a couple of positions in as a consultant for healthcare and pharmaceuticals. It seems the most logical decision to make if I really don't want to be in debt and have my own independence.
3) Go to TCM school. This has always been in the back of my mind because I really would like to study more about it but I have my concerns about what happens after I graduate (I would pretty much have to be on my own) and whether it's worth putting in 60k of debt.

Honestly, right now I'm not completely even sure exactly why I still want to go for medicine. It's like I have so many options to take and I don't even know exactly why I'm passionate for it when I know how much in debt i'll be and how long it would take.

Help me. :| I can't stand this any longer.